Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
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Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
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Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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