If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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