i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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