Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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