We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
