glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
