once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
