Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
