I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
