just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The struggles of a small town man whore
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
