Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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