ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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