You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
