my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
