She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
