I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
