Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We named our party play list daddy issues
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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