Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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