they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
