This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
