3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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