I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize