I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
