So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Alive.
So much puke
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
