They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
