you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
