she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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