We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
