she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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