My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
