Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
