she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
