pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
