Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
