i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
