so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
