What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
