hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
