He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
