I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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