I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
