I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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