i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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