its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
