Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
