i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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