i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
