She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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