Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
