You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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