Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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