I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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