the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
