thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
