chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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