And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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