whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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