Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
