I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
