I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
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there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
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The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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