I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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